Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
