i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
