Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
