wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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