The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
