This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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