Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
