You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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