took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
