You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
