I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
