dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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