I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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