new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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