Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
