I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
