Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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