accomplished twins. life is a go
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
