So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
