She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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