glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
