Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
