I wish I could punch you in the face.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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