chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
