thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
