In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
