How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
