my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
