I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
