I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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