you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
