Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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