Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
