There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
