This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She bit a glass in half.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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