I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
