clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
