Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
