Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
