Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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