after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
