i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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