I wish I could punch you in the face.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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