You really coming over, don't trick.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
