He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
