Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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