she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
