I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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