I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
