I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
