On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
