They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
