..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
