Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
