is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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