nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
