DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
