Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
