it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
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