perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
